This post is intriguing in that it is entirely comprised of a conversation. The dialogue occurred between me and a new friend of mine, BS (yes, interesting initials, I agree), quite late at night, as the best discussions usually happen during evenings.
Be warned that there will be extended metaphorical allusions to food, as well as interesting insights of two very different yet also very similar individuals. Though the conversation originally started out in an almost interview-like style, it slowly progressed into a more casual dialogue. The black writing is mine, whereas the green denotes BS's.
[...]
I don’t usually have goals.
Why do you not set goals for yourself?
It gives me more freedom, and I feel like I have less obligations. [It] reduces my stress.
Don’t you feel less of a sense of accomplishment? When I realize I’ve accomplished a task or a goal, it's one of the best feelings in the world.
Well, not having goals doesn't always mean that nothing is accomplished. Goals don’t do that for you — they just make you feel guilty that you haven’t gotten them done.
But you might not realize that you've accomplished as much as you really have if you didn't set a goal for yourself in the first place. And subconsciously, I think goals are always on my mind, urging me on in a good way. Without them, I feel like I’m a bit loss, even though I do feel less constrained.
Well, I think that goals make you too focused on the future. [Personally,] I think enjoying what you’re doing right now is a better way to experience life, because once you reach a goal, you're either at a loss for a direction to go further, or you’re dissatisfied again and [feel a need to] seek a Utopian future [once again]. It's just never ending, and it's difficult to ever find satisfaction in life.
True. Once we have something, it’s no longer valuable to us. We're always looking forward to things. Furthermore, to add to your comment: it’s because once we find satisfaction, we're no longer satisfied. And that's why we have goals: to have something to look forward to.
[...] But I feel like [that's] a false sense of hope, because most of the time we'll be disappointed when we reach our goals. It's almost like deceiving yourself, although I have to admit it does allow you to endure more pain at the present time, since you're alluring yourself with a future award. But deep inside, you know that it's not going to be as great as you make yourself believe it too be, and the reward is only something that makes you keep going, but almost to nowhere. [In my mind,] it gives me a picture of a dog following his master who is holding a piece of bone tied to a string and driving away. The master first waits for the dog, and when he's about to catch up, the master drives away, then waits again. [When] the dog approaches the bone [once more], it [again] escapes him. Goals create a false sense of destination and completeness, which never really exist in life.
So what's your approach if goals don’t satisfy us?
[I] think living in the moment and being flexible to your current situation is much better. Just try to make the most of every moment you live, because you don’t know what [will] happen next. Instead of waiting for a future date to live your life, do it now.
How? I understand what you’re saying, yet I’m wondering how you do it.
Don’t deprive yourself because you say you're saving everything for later.
That's actually something very characteristic of me. For example, when I have lots of different types of food to choose from on my plate, I always eat the stuff I dislike the most first and save the treats for last.
For me, I always eat the thing I enjoy the most first, because if I eat the least favourite things first, the things I enjoy might get cold, or feel unappetizing by the time I get to [them]. In addition, even better [tidbits] may arrive during the meal, so if i start on the things I enjoy, I get the good, then the better, instead of the bad, then the better, leaving the good behind. Do you know what I mean?
I do. For me, I realize I don’t actually enjoy the treats I leave for myself. Strangely, it's more of a sensation of enjoying deprivation, which is very, very bizarre. Rather, it's a sense of accomplishment. Maybe I’m thinking too deep into this, but it basically boils down to the journey is better than the goal!
I can sort of relate to what you just mentioned. Although I prefer to go through the more enjoyable experiences first without enduring some pain, the pleasure isn't as pleasurable as it would be. There’s a need [for] contrast. The pain acts as something that amplifies the pleasure when it arrives.
Exactly. But in your case, if you experience joy first, doesn’t the pain feel worse? Whereas, if you go through pain first, joy seems brighter?
That's true, but my perspective is that what's pleasurable now might not be pleasurable in the future. [Therefore] you should enjoy it now, before it escapes you. And if pain isn’t mandatory, [then] there’s no need to choose it.
However if you never choose pain, it'll creep up on you when you least expect it and be worse then.
Well, the future is unforeseeable in my opinion, which is why I prefer to get the best of the moment. If pain comes, it comes. But if it's possible to choose pleasure right now, why not choose it?
I suppose. Your view of life is oh-so-tempting, but I don’t think I can give mine up. It's internal. Deep down, I’m still a pessimist at heart. I accept that there are hardships, so I’ll deal with them first, and then maybe occasionally remember the good.
But the hardships might never end. Just when you finish the food you don’t like and begin on what you do [like], more undesirable food may arrive and the good food may have gone bad as well. Why not grab the opportunity when you have the chance?
Then are you the type of person who makes on-the-spot decisions?
Yes, but I do think about the future consequences. [If I had to choose] between receiving something good now or [in] the future, I [would] choose now. But if that choice entails ruining my [entire] future [in an] irreconcilable [way], then I would choose [receiving the good in] the future.
You stay within reason, then. Still logical.
Yes, [an] utilitarian with the future in consideration. The smart utilitarian?
[...]
Small note: I decided to boycott the use of tildes (~) in this post, as I felt that this already very lengthy conversation should not be further clustered with my usual decorations.
