For some reason or another, I've had to ask people to write compliments about me quite frequently in the recent months, whether it was for reference letters, or for a simple activity. Through this unofficial surveying of ideas, I've begun to notice a trend - a saddening and bizarre trend, in fact. ~
Essentially, what other people think of as qualities, often have associated negative connotations in my mind. I've drafted up a quick list below to explain what I mean, each followed by a friendly suggested improvement. ~
Hardworking
This is a classic. A typically positive word, it can be associated to dedication, determination and detail. Yet while the latter three words paint the picture of a devoted individual, "hardworking" has always just screamed mulish, slow-witted and even a little bit daft to me. I suppose it's because I've always thought those who are smart enough, end up finding shortcuts. And yes, I know that there are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going in life. But if there's an easier option, why force yourself to follow a fruitless path of misery? No, indeed. Hardworking is just a bit too boring for me - after all, half of it is comprised of the word "working."
Instead, use disciplined. While this might seem like an even more boring word to some, in my mind, it evokes the great images of kung fu masters, who have enough self-control not to be distracted by pain or tiredness.
Smart
Ah, the ever-clever term. Should be a good thing, no? After all, we know that the pen is mightier than the sword. (Notice how I used a cliché there? That's a subtle jab at how cliché the use of the word "smart" as a compliment has become.) Who wouldn't want an employee with the brains to solve problems, or the intelligence needed to keep up with a higher-level discussion on politics?
Yet, this word is so very terribly generic, and perhaps worse, unspecific. What type of smart? Book-smart, street-smart, EQ-smart? Because all of these are very distinct things, and each with a very different connotation. Book-smart screams nerd, whereas street-smart or EQ-smart draws up a portrait of a bad-boy wearing shades and cruising down the street in his shiny red car, smiling a cocky smile and nodding with condescension at the book-smart boy with the glasses and the untucked shirt clutching his books and staring in undisguised awe at the passing image of glory. Far-fetched? Perhaps, but not as much as I'd like to think.
Instead, use bright or witty. The first has a touch of precocity within it, whereas the second hints at a subtle, perhaps sarcastic, humour. And we all do love that sarcasm.
Interesting
This one is perhaps the worst of the bunch. "Interesting." It's the default word - the word we fall back on when nothing else will fit. In essence, it's an untailored, ill-fitting garment thrown upon a person; it'll do, but not well. Besides, how many times have we ourselves said, "that's very... interesting," with a slight touch of uptalk at the end of the phrase, when grasping for a nice compliment when some poor friend tells a lame story or makes an ill-suited remark?
Instead, use fascinating. It shows that you're more than interested - in fact, you're captivated; your attention has been grasped. In addition, just saying the word itself is delicious - it forces you to open your mouth in an "ah" shape, whereas you can get by with mumbling an "interesting" if need be.
I hope you're beginning to understand at least a bit the point that I'm trying to get across. Naturally, I don't expect you to suddenly associate these terms with negativity - indeed, you shouldn't, because most of society doesn't, and I'm an exception. But the next time you give a compliment or help someone out with their resume, take a step back and question yourself - just how much do we rely on these tired, washed-up old words of "quality"? ~
