The dirty wind crawls over my skin, weaves between my clothes, catches in my hair. ~ Sweat trickles down my back, adhering my shirt to my skin. ~ My shoes kick up the dust in the construction zone I am walking through, overlaying the rocks around me like a fine layer of powdered sugar. ~ One word pops repeatedly into my mind: shower. ~
Later, I walk through a dimly-lit, crowded shopping centre. I run one hand over cheap fabric, plastic toys and stacks of stationary, while protectively keeping the other over my shoulder bag. ~ "How much?" I ask a store owner, pointing at one of her items. "35." We haggle over the price. I eventually flip through the dog-eared, rough bills to hand her a five and a ten. The packaging of the product is dusty from having been on display for so long. ~ My fingers feel grimy. ~ Shower, whispers my brain. ~ I ask for a bag and am handed a tiny, red one. ~ Swinging it up and down, I walk away, the new owner of an iPhone 5 case for my friend. (It is only later, much to my chagrin, that I learn he owns an iPhone 4. The matte case seems grossly wrong in my hands as I play around with it, twirling it to and fro in a vain attempt to hide my embarrassment.) ~
I head back out. I pull out my cap and don it. ~ It fits snugly over my ears, with bits of hair sticking out at the sides like stray straw. ~ I tuck the strands behind my ears and pull the cap forward. ~ It's a vital need under the bright Tianjin sun, and quirky as well - camouflage-green, with a red star painted in the centre. ~ A lady at the grocery market asks me if I'm joining the army. I hide my snort under an embarrassed smile. ~ She then lights a cigarette right next to her own booth, releasing fumes of smoke in to the air that seem to find purchase all over my clothes. ~ Shower, grumbles my head. ~
Clammy hands. ~ Shower, presses my mental voice. ~ I clutch my cousin's little hand in mine as my head swings left and right, carefully judging the distance and speed of the dozen incoming cars. ~ His hand is limp in mine, his backpack bobbing up and down in rhythm to his footsteps. ~ We cross the wide street and I let go, releasing him to bound ahead. ~ The typical after-school scene. ~ Mondays, he wears his white school uniform - sweater and sweatpants, despite the cloying heat - in honour of the weekly flag raising. Today, he's wearing a yellow pinny indicating he's to act as hall monitor for the week. ~ I smile, then run to catch up. ~
At night, the city cools slightly. My shoes barely graze the ground as I race my cousin around the yard, at times chasing him, and at others being chased by him. ~ We come back huffing and puffing, falling into the chairs in the living room and kicking off our shoes. ~ Shower, my brain tuts disapprovingly. ~ The air conditioning washes over my arms and I rub them as sudden goosebumps pop up. ~ We share some ice cream, then sit down to watch an episode of Friends on my uncle's iPad. ~ The screen is smooth under my fingertips as I select the video, its clean surface smudging as I trace outlines. ~ We settle back against the couch; the bamboo covering digs into my back, but is better than the sticky sofa I'd be sitting on if it wasn't there. ~
I see my other cousin - the tiny infant I have named. ~ Candace. ~ Her skin is unbelievably soft and smooth as I hold her in my arms, marveling at how chubby she is. ~ She stares at me with huge, solemn eyes, then suddenly grins and claps her hands, gurgling happily. ~ A trail of saliva dribbles down her chin and lands on me, pooling. ~ I laugh and hand her to my aunt, running to grab a Kleenex. ~ Shower? asks my inner self hopefully. ~
I head back to my grandparents' in the dark. ~ Entering our apartment, I take a sudden turn away from the elevators and endeavour to take the stairs - all 23 flights of them. ~ By floor 8, I'm huffing and puffing, my hands pushing against the roughly-painted walls and my knees bent under the weight that has suddenly become so much harder to bear. ~ By floor 18, my leaden feet are pulling down on me, the strap of my shoulder bag is strangling me, and the uneven stairs nearly trip me. ~ But I push through, and emerge victorious on the 23rd floor, leaning into my grandparents' doorbell and nearly getting flattened by the heavy door as it swings outwards. ~
Shower. ~ The chant has reached a crescendo by this point. ~ I rush to grab towel and pajamas. ~ In the bathroom, I gratefully step under the hot water and sigh in relief. ~ I'm not even bothered anymore by the fact that most showers in China aren't partitioned off - that is, they open up onto the entire bathroom, so that the whole room is sprayed with water every time I shower. ~ I take my sweet time, knowing that tomorrow, this whole cycle of tactile squalidness will just start all over again. ~ But for now, my neurons have stopped pestering me and the word shower plays through my mind as softly as a refreshing summer Calgary breeze. ~
