The Top

How easy it is to fall. ~ Climbing out of that valley a few weeks ago took a monstrous effort, both physically and mentally, yet running down, half jumping and half sprinting, was effortless as well as enjoyable. ~

So goes life. Climbing up to the top, being the best, staying on that mountain top, is so much harder than slipping down, reverting back to the habits you've tried so hard to break. ~ For some of us, life is just an eternal struggle to keep that post, to fight for a position up top, when really, the whole point of the climb was to enjoy the scenic, breathtaking view below. ~ And so, in our attempts at perfection, we lose track of what's really important. ~ How sad, us little humans, running around frantically in circles when what we actually need sits right underneath our upturned noses. ~

"The higher you climb, the harder you fall." ~ "Always aim for a higher branch. That way, when you hit a lower one, you'll have reached your target anyway." (I just sprouted those latter words, by the way. Not some famous quote, in case you were alarmed that you didn't recognize it.) ~ Two contradicting yet complementing ideas. How so, you ask? ~ Well, both are true. But don't be restrained by either. Only by aiming high can you reach uncharted lands, but always make sure that you are mentally prepared for any injuries unexpected falls may cause. ~ Fate is a fickle mistress, and to tempt her is fatal but necessary. ~ And remember, there won't always be a safety-net there to catch you, so sometimes, you have to set up your own beforehand. ~

Emotions

Goodbyes are the worst. I hate that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I know I've said some permanent goodbyes recently, but in my mind, there will always remain some inkling of hope that someday, I'll see at least a few of them again. ~
Back to humanity, then, to forget about the pain. ~ I've realized just how much us humans are controlled by our wavering, ever inconsistent emotions. Those feelings that take over our minds so rapidly, erasing all rational thinking. I've always been scared of that, and I guess that's what makes me such a cold person sometimes. ~ Anyways, the two ever-so-clichéd emotions I wish to analyze right now are love and hate. ~ Yes, I know, it's been said a million times before, but love and hate are what drive us humans. The fuel behind all our precariously-balanced planning. Ancient, innate stuff that's existed ever since human life first began. Written and worried and mused over by countless writers, musicians, ordinary people. ~
So what is love? I think anyone that has tried to find the roots and reasons of true love has failed. Love isn't something you can explain with the written word. It's so tangible yet so abstract, an oxymoron in itself, that only by experiencing it can you ever even begin to understand it. ~
And hate? Hate is even harder to see through. Hate burns just as brightly as love. In fact, I've always thought that the harder you love someone, the easier it will be to hate them through twists of fate. Because in the end, all that emotion has to go somewhere... and when pure water is contaminated with ugly black ink, it will eventually become totally polluted. ~ Our driving forces have to exist - they cannot ever completely disappear. We might hide from them, but deep down, they will always be there, lurking and waiting to pounce. ~

Love and hate. Peace and war. White and black. They're all interchangeable, all parts of a whole, and they mix more readily than water and ethanol. ~

Love is hate's charming twin sister. Yet she's fickle and can be just as cruel as her brother. ~

Hate is love's looming twin brother. He's dark and moody and has an appearance just as stunningly beautiful as his sister's. ~ There is no in-between. How can there be, when we humans are so complex ourselves? ~ I love you. I hate you. ~ Huh. What cosmic jokes our universe doth like playing on us. ~

Last Days

Incredible. I feel so completely drained, yet so completely drunk on euphoria. All this tinted with a bittersweet sadness makes for a very befuddled and precariously endangered Resa. ~ In this state, there's no telling what I'll say next, or decide to do. My head is spinning. ~ But enough of that. I believe the fate of the human race is much more interesting than any simple complications I could experience. ~
The rich and the poor. This eternal divide that has and will split the human race forever. ~ We all love power. There's no denying the rush of emotion that comes along with the realization that a decision is yours to make. ~ What to do with our resources? ~ What will win, our consciousness... or that inevitable human greed? ~
Everything is so temporary. Yet humans never change. Deep down, the same animalistic need for survival is still there. And it will never disappear. Instinct is the root of greed. ~
North Americans wish to ''help'' developing nations such as Africa. Or so we claim. But deep down, why do we feel the need to provide aid to those who are worse off than ourselves? Truly, it could not simply be our consciousness. ~ What, then? ~ The answer is evident, once pointed out. ~ We do it for personal reassurance. For a sense of righteousness that stems from the need for feeling great. ~ Essentially, we attempt to help others to satisfy our own desires. Every once in awhile, that nagging consciousness reminds us that we are evil. And so, to overcome the guilt, we aid others. Selflessness, we call it. Self-actualization is a better term for it. ~ Once again, I am swamped with a distaste for the human race. Me, a human myself. Oh, the irony. ~
Sinking into that sarcastic, dark mood again. Prolonged contact with forty-six other amazing individuals has installed in me a deep need for constant communication. Writing joyful, uplifting speeches right now is impossible. I apologize for raining on anyone's parade. Human fate is too broad a subject to be fully addressed in one post anyway. ~ Really, in three days, after a good long cry, I'll do better. Scout's honour, pinky promise. ~

Stars

Perhaps I'll talk about myself a bit today. ~
What an amazing two days. ~ The stars... Never would I have imagined the absolute beauty of a dark moonless night filled with brilliant bursts of light. ~ Often stars are described as cold and indifferent. But it was not so that night. They glowed warmly, shining down a peaceful light in lieu of a too-bright moon. ~ I looked for the Cassiopeia constellation, the crooked ''W,'' but was disappointed, being unable to spot it. ~ Even that did not break me out of my reverie, that dream-like state caused by awe-inspiring nature. ~ Around the campfire, in the darkness, it is simple to open up one's soul. A feeling of community and invisibility envelopes the group. So calming... ~
I have never been afraid of heights. ~ In fact, I love being high up. Looking down on the world always gives me a feeling of being in control, not of others but of myself, because I know what is happening all around me. I feel like I can have something to model myself on. ~ Heights take my breath away, but not in a bad sense. ~ Being at the top of the valley I'd just scaled up, looking down at the river four and a half kilometres below me, I was absolutely stunned at nature's incredibly intricate beauty. Seen from an aerial perspective, it all melded into one, a unifying whole. Then, glancing further down, I spotted a yellow school bus. ~ It ruined the effect and brought me back to civilization. Humans can be such a bore sometimes. ~
Later, I ran down full-speed. I've never pushed myself so hard. I loved it. It felt like I was running away, but I could ignore that tiny voice in my head mocking me while the adrenaline pulsed through me and my muscles burned. The wind cleansed me and the chirping birds cheered me up. ~ I hope to do this again soon. ~

Camp

Camp is an exhausting yet exhilarating experience. ~ Every minute of the day is planned, yet it's different from school. There's more of a feeling of freedom and preciousness, because camp only lasts for a month. I feel like I need to enjoy these few jam-packed days before they're snatched away from me. ~
It's amazing how quickly your perception of someone can change throughout prolonged interaction. There's no time to mull over things that happened or to analyze what people said to you during the day once you're alone in bed, because you've been bombarded with so many images and words that at the end of the day, sleep is the only sane option left. So you begin to formulate opinions on people very quickly, processing events and saving them in the back of the mind, registering another personality trait with a secret smile. ~ All these bits and pieces of information eventually combine to form the picture that pops up when you visualise that person. ~
At camp, you get to know so many people for real... what they're like not only at their best, but also at their worst. Sleep deprivation, a new environment, and challenging projects really bring out what people can usually keep hidden. ~
At camp, everyone gets to know what your bed hair looks like, when you do your laundry, what you're truly passionate about. ~ You make close friends, yet deep down you know that come the end the of camp, you'll have to part ways and break those strong new bonds that you've formed over such a short period of time. ~ Is that knowledge holding me back? Stupid fear. ~
It's cold, a temperature that's beginning to lull me to sleep. The content clacking of the other campers on their keyboards soothes me. Perhaps nap time is due. Signing off! ~

Laugh

Been such a while since I last posted... only a few days, yet a long time for me. ~ I′ve met so many wonderful new people, done so many cool things, yet I know that this is only the beginning of what′s in store for me. ~ It gets lonely sometimes, being alone even among friends, silent to joy, dull to brightness. ~ But, as usual, life goes on, I adapt, things get better. ~
Ups and downs. It′s cliché, but life really is a roller coaster of emotions. Simply enjoying the ups and picking yourself up after a down is the way to go. ~ Then again, no downs means no ups, because a high can only be judged in comparison to a low. Bitterness and sadness sprinkled with joy is what adds colour to our lives. ~
Lame jokes. Once a joke attains a certain level of lameness, it actually crosses over into the realm of grudgingly funny jokes. You can′t help laughing at the sheer nerdiness of the person who′s telling the joke, while secretly agreeing that sometimes, lameness makes up for humour. ~ Indeed, laughing at a lame joke is more of a way of acknowledging the other′s desperate attempt to break tension. It′s kind of impressive, in a way, to put yourself out there at the mercy of judgment of another, just to reach out an invitation of friendship. I admire all of you. ~ Go ahead, make a lame joke today. I know I′ve certainly heard my share of really pitiful ones today already, and secretly, on the inside... I did laugh. ~