The Wedding Meme

Have I fetishized weddings? This is my second post on the subject manner. I ask the reader to keep that in mind while reading the following post. ~

Yesterday, I attended my first ever wedding. ~ It was a beautiful ceremony followed by a lively dinner, and although I did not personally know the bride and groom, it was evident to me that their love was sincere and that this was a joyous occasion for them worth celebrating. ~

I could spend paragraphs describing the bride's lovely dresses, the adorable party favours they gave out, the picturesque location they chose for their ceremony, or how the bride was crying so hard that she could barely say her vows, but something else has been occupying my mind regarding the subject of weddings since yesterday. ~ Essentially, I propose the following theory: weddings are a type of meme that, much like genes, are self-perpetuating entities. ~

Richard Dawkins first spoke of meme theory in his book The Selfish Gene. ~ Basically, he postulates that much like humans are the carriers for genes, which are selfish in the sense that they use humans as a vessel for their self-perpetuation, human society serves as the playing ground for memes. ~ Memes are the coding units of culture, like genes are the coding units of human bodies. ~ To explain memes, Dawkins uses the example of a melodic line: something that weaves in and out of human consciousness, that can be played and morphed and reinterpreted by each human ear and mind it wiggles its way into, and that is perpetuated each time someone whistles the tune, plays the notes on a piano, or writes its down on sheet music. ~

How, then, are weddings a meme? ~ I postulate that weddings are self-perpetuating and that there are both internal and external mechanisms that exist for this perpetuation. ~ When I speak of an internal mechanism, I am referring to something intrinsic to weddings that ensure their perpetuation. ~ Take the bouquet toss, for instance. ~ The bride stands with her back to a gaggle of single women and throws her bouquet backwards towards the many outstretched hands, each eager to be the lucky one to catch the projectile. ~ For what purpose? To be the next one married, of course! Never mind that they might currently be happily single - the ultimate purpose in life is not only to meet someone and fall in love, but to get married to them. To seal the deal, tie the knot, walk down that aisle in the beautiful dress. ~

"Of marrying age."

"Time to get settled down."

"Old biddy."

"Spinster."

What is wrong with not getting married? ~

Then, there are the rings. A physical, constant reminder of what it means to be married. A very handy indicator of if someone is still "on the market" or not. [Quick digression here: Ever noticed how extensive the fish market metaphor is? "He's such a catch." "Oh, she's no longer on the market." "There are plenty of other fish in the sea."] Handily, rings happen to be a whole market on their own - especially diamond rings. I refer you to an article that does an excellent job at describing how one company essentially created the meme of diamond rings. ~

External mechanisms of perpetuation of the wedding meme can be seen everywhere. By external mechanisms, I refer to entities (the media, people, businesses) that actively seek to keep the wedding meme going, often for their own selfish purposes in turn. ~ One only has to look to Walt Disney's princesses, whose ultimate goal in life/story is to become married to their (a?) prince. Just check out this video for a demonstration. Notice in the clip how each wedding is more lavish than the rest - horse-drawn carriages, giant floating barge, high-ceiling church? Now, I hate to jump on the Disney-bashing bandwagon (which in itself is a meme), but I cannot help thinking that I myself long for such a wedding, because I grew up reading and watching these elaborate, very public and showy demonstrations of what true love is supposed to be. ~ Are my visions of love (and the visions of so many countless other girls and women) just the product of the great meme perpetuator duo (Hallmark and Hollywood)? ~

Reading this post must send off the vibe that I am a wedding-hating, true love-denying cynic who plans to spend her days walking into Hallmark to critique holiday cards and watching Hollywood movies only to crack away at their hegemonic portrayals of women and love. ~ While this is not entirely false, I would like to make it clear that I do not hold weddings against anyone, and that I would never deny that the happiness that a soon-to-be newlywed couple feels on their big day is genuine and deserved. ~ Rather, I wrote this post firstly to (very selfishly) satisfy my own need to think through an idea that has been nagging at me, and secondly to help the reader view certain aspects of love with a more critical eye. ~ I do not mind marriages - they can be fun, enjoyable and heart-warming. Nor do I mind the fact that marriages are memes - not all selfish and self-perpetuating things are bad. But I do mind the fact that weddings have become obligatory and expected. I mind that they are to be done a certain way. I mind that there are certain aspects within a wedding that reinforce the commercial, the superficial, and the one-size-fits-all. I hope that weddings will become more progressive - because memes, at their fundamental core, are meant for evolution. ~

Disclaimer: I have described only the traditional Western wedding in this post. While all weddings share an intrinsic meme-like quality, this post did not explore the many nuances that distinguish weddings from different cultures. Nor does this post examine non-traditional weddings. I encourage all to comment below and to challenge my words and theory.